if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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