Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
