Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
