Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
