You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's shark week go big or go home
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
