Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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