I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
