Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Found your dick twin last night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
