when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
