Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rumble strips road head = magical
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
