I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
