apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
