Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are we still banned from the library?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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