I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
