I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
