do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
