Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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