You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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