Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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