Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
