He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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