friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Randomize
