someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
