plz talk dirty to me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
