I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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