reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
