I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she pinky promised me she was 18
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
