just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
