I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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