Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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