I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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