i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
