I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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