You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
