ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
