I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
