Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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