Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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