I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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