you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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