The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
