so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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