Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
