I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
