So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
