She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
