I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
