I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
