How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
