just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is wine microwaveable?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
