Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
