i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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