Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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