You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
