I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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