i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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