The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
