Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
