I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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