just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
