How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
