I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
