Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
