I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
