I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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