And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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